Diamond in the rut
by cityinrain
Summary: Set when Amanda first joins SVU. Amanda has a flash back mixed with the present. Co-wrote with a friend who sadly doesn't have FF WARNING: contains cutting
1. Meeting Emmy

The blonde felt sick she ran to the bathroom and threw up. She started crying "I can't do this I have to end this" she cried "I've only just moved here and I'm knocked up I can't do this" she cried.

Fin saw her running so did liv she got up and followed she knocked in the bathroom door "Amanda is everything alright?" She asked at the door. The blonde detective wiped her face "yeah must of ate something that didn't agree with me, I'm fine" she yelled before throwing up again.

Fin didn't know much about his new partner other than captain told him to keep an eye on her.

"I'm two minutes away from calling a bus are you sure your ok?" There was no answer. Black spots appeared in the blondes eyes she only just managed to unlock the door. Liv opened the door to see the blonde unconscious "fin get a bus!" Olivia yelled fin came up to them "whoa is she ok?" Olivia was taking her pulse.

Cragen had seen this unfold but when he heard them calling for a bus he dashed to his new detective "is everything alright?" "She's blacked out, I'm not sure she was throwing up" Olivia explained Cragen nodded "don't move her and let me deal with the EMT's" fin looked confused but before he could asked questions the EMT's came in "be careful she is still recovering" Cragen yelled when they pulled the blonde from the floor. Fin looked at liv she shrugged they looked to nick who did the same.

"I'm riding with her" Cragen said following the EMTs out "Munch your in charge" he dashed out.

The blonde came round everything hurt "Amanda you lost conciseness you were throwing up but you are in the hospital the baby is fine" Cragen assured "I don't think I can do this!" The blonde started crying "you can you have options" he assured "but I can't do this every time I touch it, it reminds me of him. Every time I pull a shirt on it reminds me of him" she sobbed "you know I'll support whatever decision you make" the blonde stopped crying for a moment "they don't know do they?!" she said panicked "No the team don't know" "I think fin and liv have been starting to notice though" she started sobbing again "you don't have to tell them" the blonde put her head down, Cragen stroked her hair.

"Fin!" Liv yelled fin dashed over to the computer screen "what?!" He looked at the screen "oh god" "held captive for a year rescued 2 months ago by her partner" fin read "but she is so happy" he added "she hides it well, look she has changed her hair style, colour and well everything she can "god I hope she is ok" fin said.

The blonde was allowed to leave the hospital "I need to grab some vitamins out of my desk" he nodded "I'll drive you there and then your going home" she nodded "thanks." They arrived at the precinct the blonde dashed in fin came over to her with Olivia "are you alright?" They could see she had been crying "yeah I'm good captain gave me the day off I just needed to grab these" she said shaking the bottle fin and Olivia read the label "first trimester" she realised and quickly and hid them in her pocket. Liv put an arm around her "if you need to talk" the blonde quickly shrugged her off "I'm fine" she said slightly angrier then intended.

She left and went home Cragen dropped her off "thanks for everything" she said getting out the car "let me know if you need anything" "will do."

The blonde walked straight into her apartment and straight into the bathroom she had felt the need to cut all day. She picked up the razor and took it apart she pushed the top of her trousers down and drew lines across her hip. She could feel the tension leaving her body. There was a knock at the door "shit!" She quickly placed a wad of tissue over it and pulled her trousers up. She shuffled to the door and opened it "Amanda I'm sorry if I upset you" Olivia said standing in the door way "I don't know what you mean" she said inviting the brunet into the apartment. "Amanda you had pregnancy vitamins and you were throwing up" "would you like a coffee?" The blonde asked, Olivia grabbed her wrists "Amanda talk to me! I know we only met last week but I'm here for you and I'm worried" "milk? sugar?" "Amanda!" The blonde shook off Olivia "take it your having milk and sugar" she said getting two cups. "Amanda talk to me! We know you we're abducted" the blonde dropped the cup her demeanour changed more angry yet scared "leave it!" The blonde yelled.

The tissue was obviously not enough for how deep she had cut as the blood started coming through. "Amanda your hip" Olivia rushed to her "what part of leave it!" "Amanda please I'm begging you tell me what is going on?" The blonde went into the bathroom and hid her blade and razors and placed a dressing over it. She looked at herself in the mirror "this is all your fault" she said looking at her stomach. She left the bathroom.

Olivia caught her arms "Amanda! We know you we're taken!" She repeated "alright! fine! What do you want me to say I lived in a basement for a year food was a reward! I was punished for the littlest of things and my partner found me! Is that what you wanted to hear" she started crying Olivia held her "Amanda are you pregnant?" The sobbing blonde nodded "aw Amanda you could of told us" Olivia slid them to the floor the blondes dressing had come off a little Olivia looked at it "did you do these?" The sobbing blonde nodded "Amanda" she tried to sooth but it came out disappointed "you must think I'm pathetic" "I don't, no one, does how far along are you?" "About three months but I can't keep it and I can't abort it" "shhhhh" Olivia soothed.

The blonde cried till she fell asleep Olivia put her to bed "your even showing" she whispered putting the cover over the blonde. She sat in the sitting room till the blonde awoke.

The blonde awoke and walked out in her sitting room and saw Olivia "that wasn't a dream was it? I told you everything" Olivia nodded "I won't tell anyone" "guess you should know Cragen asked me to work for him when I was in the hospital after it happened said the team would protect me" "we will" "you didn't tell anyone did you?" She shook her head "but I think you should at least tell fin he is worried" the blonde nodded "well I'm going to show soon" "I'm here all the way no matter what you decide" the blonde nodded "I've looked into abortion, adoption, safe havens but I don't know if I can do any of that, but I can't raise it, look at me I'm a mess but I don't know if I can give it away, what if I hate it!" Olivia made the blonde a drink "you have 6 months, half a year to decided Amanda" the blonde walked up to Olivia "will you take it" Olivia was shocked "A-amanda" "I'm serious I don't want it and if you take it maybe I could see it if I wanted. I know about Calvin" the blonde had thought about this idea since learning about Calvin "only if your sure and you can see the baby any time you want" "I'm not calling it a baby it is an it" Olivia nodded "then yes I'll take it" the blonde smiled.

Fin came over a little later the brunet had convinced the blonde to tell him "Amanda are you okay?" She nodded "but I need to tell you something" he nodded "I am pregnant 3 months and it is my captors baby" fin nodded "you could of told me" he said taking her hand "but I don't want it, I can't keep it so when it is delivered Olivia is taking it" fin looked to Olivia who nodded.

After fin left Olivia looked at the blonde "let me sort your hip manda please?" The blonde reluctantly nodded, they went into the bathroom Amanda stood with the side of her trousers pushed down "Amanda isn't the first time you have done this is it?" She shook her head. Olivia got the first aid box and cleaned up the wounds the blonde hissed "I'm sorry" Olivia said trying to be quick she placed a neat bandage over "all done, please don't do this again if you feel the need tell me" the blonde nodded.

They walked back into the living room "will you stay tonight?" She asked the brunet nodded "of course."

The months past the blonde was on desk duty till she was put on leave. Olivia had drawn up adoption papers as the blonde asked and everything was signed and ready to go.

"Olivia it's time" the text read. Olivia rushed to the hospital and got there just in time to witness the birth of their daughter they named Emmy.

The blonde held the baby for a few moments before passing it to Olivia "time to meet your mommy" she said as Olivia took the baby. Olivia was close to tears someone gave her a baby, her co-worker gave her a baby.

The years past at first Amanda couldn't see anything of her captor in Emmy's face but as she grew she could see his nose and his chin but that was all thank goodness.

"Manda! Manda! Look I got an A+ for my reading" the little girl said running to her from across the precinct floor. "Well done sweetie" the blonde said picking the little girl up and fussing over her.

It still hurt her to see the little girl, sadly the beautiful little blonde was still a painful reminder of what happened to her.

Olivia loved the little girl, Emmy was her world.

**My friend's idea hope you all liked it! Not going to mark as complete we have an idea for another chapter in the future. **


	2. I'm sorry

Emmy is now 18.

"Emmy you know I love you" Emmy was faced with the two women she nodded at Olivia "we think you are old enough to know about your past" Olivia said "my past?" Emmy asked confused "I am not your mother Amanda is" the Emmy looked confused yet betrayed "but...but" "I still love you" Olivia reassured "why did you give me up?" Emmy asked confused "I wasn't in a good place" she looked down "I was self-harming and I was raped" Amanda said unsure of how Emmy would take it "so you mean…I was the" "product of my rape, I didn't handle everything at the time well and Olivia was the best person I could think to raise you" "but your my aunt!" Emmy said angry.

_How could they do this to me? So my aunts my mom? _

"But you saw me all the time?" Emmy asked confused "yes because I still love you" "BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU KEEP ME!" "EMMY!" Olivia yelled "I know this is hard but you can't talk to Amanda like that" "your not my mom!" Emmy knew it was low after she said it but she didn't regret it. Amanda stood up "she is your mom don't talk to her like that, I did the best I could to be part of your life, your mom didn't have to let me see you but she did for your sake" Amanda went to the door "no Amanda... Mom stay please" Amanda sat back down.

"My fath-" "your father is in jail" Olivia answered "why Amanda?" Emmy couldn't get her head around it "I was raped and started self-harming your mother saved me from all of that and gave you the best home I could ever of asked for, far better than I could of have. Emmy let me ask you have you always got what you wanted? In terms of stuff for school and.." "Well yea" Emmy answered "that's because we paid for it and your mom provided the best home for you."

_So now she wants to tell me how she has played secret parent! I don't understand how no one told me?! How did I not know?!_

Emmy didn't know what to do "I'm going to uncle nicks" she stood up and left. The two detectives didn't stop her "she will understand Amanda she just upset" "I know. I knew this day was coming and I'm glad you let me be here" Olivia looked at her "this takes me back to you crying you didn't want her but I'm so glad I have her, I can never thank you enough" "I was in no fit state, I didn't see anyone else coming to the rehab when I was cutting again" "and you know I'd do it ten times over" the blonde looked up "thank you for everything."

"Nick let me in! Please nick!" Emmy half yelled half slurred nick opened the door "they lied to me!" She cried "my father's not dead! He didn't die getting shot! He raped aunt manda!" Nick pulled her into his apartment "what's happened?! Have you been drinking?!" He asked "they told me my real mom is aunt manda and mom took me in when she didn't want me and yes I might of had a few" the blonde cried nick didn't have time to think where the alcohol was from "oh sweetie she did want you but if you knew her back then she wasn't in any state to look after you" nick explained "but they lied for 18 years nick!" He pulled her in "I know, I know" "and my father he's in prison for life! Mom told me he-he" "shhhhhhhh" he soothed "want to crash here?" Emmy nodded.

_She will never forgive me what's the point in me being here._

The next day nick took Emmy with him to the precinct Olivia rushed up to her "are you alright you look like you have been up all night?!" Olivia said fussing over Emmy "mom I'm fine, is aunt manda here?" "No sweetie she went home after you left and hasn't rang in I presume she is late" Emmy nodded "can I wait for her?" Olivia smiled and nodded.

The day grew later Cragen came out of his office "where's Rollins?" "She hasn't rang" fin said confused "fin liv go find her" "mom I'm coming!" Emmy protested "no Emmy stay here" Emmy gave up quickly for once. Olivia couldn't take the risk Amanda has done something to herself beyond repair and she didn't need Emmy seeing that.

They quickly got over to Amanda's apartment when there was no reply fin broke down the door, they raced into the bed room there was bottles everywhere fin bent down and picked up a piece of paper "she's lost it" he handed Olivia the paper "she bet her entire pay for this month. She only got half last month she has been giving me some of it for Emmy's college fund" fin opened the bathroom door the blonde was sat in her bath fully clothed with no water the cuts on her hip opened the blade still in her hand "oh manda" fin sighed Olivia helped the younger women out of the bath while fin grabbed a first aid kit "these are the same ones you made that night" the blonde didn't say a word. Olivia cleaned up the wound and placed a bandage over "liv how many times have you had to do this?" "More than I wish to say" fin was shocked and saddened how did he not know about his partners problem.

Olivia put the blonde to bed "I'll ring Cragen" Olivia sighed and dialled "we told Emmy last night and she's gone off the rails I'm going to stay with her and get her to a meeting first thing" fin heard her say, she hung up. She handed her another piece of paper it read "_Emmy i'm sorry I love you, I always have but I couldn't give you the life Olivia has. I'm sorry. Amanda x_" "she never sees this ok?" Olivia looked at fin who nodded.

Fin left to go to the precinct Emmy decided to go find her mom at Amanda's apartment.

Olivia was just checking on Amanda when there was a knock on the apartment door, Olivia answered "Emmy?"

**Well we came up with this idea at staff training for our jobs we hope you all like it! We would just like to thank you for all your reviews, follows and favourites! They really inspired us! **

**I am off to Amsterdam this weekend but we have a pretty good idea for the next chapter so we might be able to get it to Tuesday!**


	3. Let me help

"Let me see my... Aunt manda" Emmy said staring at her mother "she's not a good place right now I'll be home in the morning you have money, food and keys" Olivia said "no I want to see aunt manda" Olivia had learn to give in it was easier "you have to accept she drank a lot and cut herself mind" Olivia said as Emmy walked into the living area.

"Where is she?" Emmy asked "asleep she wasn't in a good way when I found her" Emmy nodded she walked into the bed room and sat in the chair at the end of the bed.

Hours later the Amanda awoke she sat up in her bed "Emmy? What you doing here? What time is it? Shit! I have to get to work!" "Manda... Mom you missed your shift by a long shot it's really early. Captain gave mom the day to look after you and when she didn't come back I came to find her. Last night when I was talking to uncle nick he helped me see everyone still loved me and nothing changed. He also told me how bad you were during my.. Your pregnancy" Amanda looked down as Olivia walked in "get ready your going to a meeting in an hour" Olivia said matter of face and unimpressed, Amanda nodded and started getting ready. "Emmy" Amanda said Emmy looked at her "I love you I'm sorry" "I know" Emmy left the room.

Amanda got ready and went into the living room "what did I even do last night? I remember fin saying something like oh manda" they both looked at Emmy who was making no effort to give them the room "you drank and bet all of this month's pay and you cut your hip" Amanda wanted to cry she was trying to hard not too "I-I...why did I?" "I don't know but your going to meeting now" Olivia said in a firm voice.

They drove to a church "Emmy you wait here" Olivia said as they got out the car "no I want to come too" "just let her" Amanda said defeated.

Emmy and Olivia waited at the back of the room. "I'm Amanda and I gamble" "hello Amanda" the man stood said "I told my daughter why I gave her up for adoption last night and I think I just lost it" "so is your daughter a trigger?" "She has never been since she was born" "since she was born?" "I self-harmed and when I was pregnant, I self-harm, but I have a great relationship with her mother" the man looked at the two women "is that your daughter at the back?" Amanda nodded "Emmy and her mother Olivia" the man invited them into the circle Olivia held Amanda's hand. "Why did you gamble Amanda?" Olivia answered "Emmy didn't take it well" Emmy was strangely cool with the situation "I'm never waking up like that again with my partners in my house and me out of it" the man nodded. The meeting continued and after they left and went for coffee.

"I'm sorry" Amanda said looking into we cup "I'm sorry I acted like a brat" Emmy said facing her mother's "it's not your fault you had every right and anyway I did this to my self you didn't force me to drink or do any of that stuff last night" "why don't we all agree not to talk about this again" Olivia said they all nodded "but Amanda your going to have to talk to captain" Amanda nodded still staring into her cup.

They headed to the precinct Amanda went straight into Cragen's office "cap we told Emmy and she-" "it's okay Amanda nick told me I understand" "thanks cap I'm so sorry I will work that time I missed" "Amanda it's fine honestly go be with your daughter" Amanda stood "thanks cap" he nodded "no problem you know where I am should you want to talk" Amanda closed the office door.

"Emmy don't you have college?" Olivia said "yeah but I'm done with today's work, I did it last week" Emmy said looking at her mother as if to say durrrrr "she clearly has your brains" Olivia said as Amanda approached "but your work ethic" Amanda smiled. "Amanda can we get a drink or something?" Amanda looked at Olivia "I'll cover for you don't worry" Amanda smiled "of course."

The two sat in Central Park with their coffees there was silence Amanda decided to break it "I'm sorry you had to see that this morning" "when I was younger mom used to leave me with uncle nick to visit you when you were 'on holiday'?" "I went to rehab a few times for self-harming" Amanda confessed "is it my fault you did?" Emmy couldn't ever understand but Amanda's heart broke "no sweetie it's not, I have been very insecure since I was your age and after I was taken it was the only thing that released the pressure" Emmy nodded "I know you said you were messed up uncle nick told me some of that was from Atlanta?" Amanda nodded "I was abducted and held captive for a year my partner never gave up and he found me. I never thought anyone would care after I was outed as a gambler a month before I was taken and I drank a lot of that away" Emmy nodded trying to understand her mother "and last night?" "I lost it, there was game I bet on -I lost and I drank it away and I guess subconsciously I cut my self probably because I knew if Cragen found out about the gambling and drinking I would lose my job he kinda knows about the self-harming" Emmy nodded "I'll always stand by you" Emmy said holding Amanda's hand "thanks Emmy but it's not your place, you shouldn't have to look after me. I need to get myself sorted" Amanda said stroking Emmys hand "let me help you, please mom" Amanda didn't know what to do she was so used to Olivia being the one to put her life back together "you don't have to call me mom I don't mind aunt manda" "but you are my mom biologically" Amanda nodded tears burning her eye lids.

They walked back to the precinct Olivia text Amanda "I've paid your rent for this month" Amanda started to cry she has been on the verge for an hour "aunt manda... Mom what's the matter?" "Your mom paid my rent" "well be happy then" Emmy said not understanding "but she doesn't have to she needs that money for you" Emmy didn't know what to do "why don't you just pay her back?" "But she does so much for me money could never repay that."

_In that moment Emmy understood. _

**Ok I know I said I wouldn't be able to update till Tuesday but we wrote this last night! We hope you like it! **


	4. Just let me love you?

The next week everything was going well Amanda was on the up and her and Emmy were growing closer.

Emmy had a plan. "hello its Emmy I need to seats if possible next to the window" Emmy said on the phone in college "certainly when would be best?" "I know it's short notice but do you have Friday night say 6? I'm adopted and my mom and my biological mom are only just getting close" "aw of course I'll get you in, what name would you like it under?" "Benson" "all done I look forward to meeting your mom's on Friday night" "thank you this means a lot."

The next day Emmy sent both women a text "booked us dinner meet me at the Italians? At 6" Emmy had spoken highly of the little Italians Olivia had been taking her to since she could eat solid food. "Yeah course x" Olivia replied "looking forward to it :) x" Amanda replied. Sorted.

Emmy knew Amanda would never act on her feelings and she knew Olivia wouldn't either. She didn't like Cassidy and it kinda became a mutual thing so Olivia never brought anyone home but she hopes the two would act on what was obvious. Emmy had watched it since she was little the two dancing around it "I can't believe I have been this oblivious to it" Emmy said to herself.

Olivia was dashing Amanda had got off 2 hours earlier. Amanda stood waiting for Emmy as Olivia ran up "Amanda?" "Olivia what are you doing here?" "Meeting Emmy" "me too?" The two were confused "maybe she is inside?" Amanda suggested Olivia nodded and they walked in. The women on the counter smiled "hello Olivia" "oh hi Kathy" Olivia smiled "Emmy rang earlier I didn't know she was adopted but she book you two a table" they looked at each other confused "it's your favourite table Olivia by the window you know the one Emmy likes" Amanda looked confused "Emmy loves the second table in from the left by the window because she can see the whole street when she was little she used to beg me to come here so she could as Emmy used to say see all the pretty people" Amanda smiled. The women seated them.

The two women sat down, wrote on the napkins was "this is an intervention" they both looked at each other "Emmy" they both said in unison and started laughing.

The women sat and had a nice meal Amanda and Olivia had a mutual feeling towards each other. Olivia decided to act "you know your the kindest person on this planet" Olivia said smiling at Amanda "liv you looked after me, you took and raised Emmy" "Amanda I think I love you, more than just my daughters biological mother" Olivia knew this was make or break, Amanda's heart was in her throat "liv I have felt this way too I didn't want to mess anything up" "I have felt this way for a while too" Olivia smiled Amanda looked down and Olivia knew in an instant "even if we don't act on it or if we do and it doesn't work out I will never cut you from Emmys life Amanda." Olivia knew how insecure Amanda was but she would never do that to her, either of them.

The two talked about how it could work "what about Cassidy?" "I tried but Emmy didn't like him and he couldn't handle Emmy" Amanda nodded "at least she sort of likes me" Amanda smiled Olivia let out a small laugh "she loves you, she still has the picture the three of us got took at the zoo and the one of you two" Olivia smiled "the one where she is trying to give you finger bunny ears?" Amanda laughed Olivia laughed "yea remember her going uncle nick lift! Uncle nick lift!" The two smiled at the fond memory of 5 year old Emmy, "she really loved the zoo didn't she?" Amanda asked Olivia smiled remembering the sweet the little girl.

They headed out to Olivia's apartment as they got in the lift Olivia let out a little laugh "what?" Amanda asked "Emmy asked to stay at nicks tonight" "she clearly had high expectations for us tonight" Amanda laughed. Olivia opened the apartment door and went into the kitchen and cleared away Emmys work books "coffee?" Amanda nodded as she sat to look through Emmys work.

"She knows loads! Told me off for using the washing powder wrong the other day" Olivia said coming up behind the blonde "I can't believe she is doing science, police study's and sport" Amanda said holding the books "she takes sport because she got a scholarship for it, all the times you played soft ball with her paid off" Amanda smiled remembering taking her to her first mini league game. "I know I was in no fit state to raise her but thank you for letting me be there" "your her mom no matter what" Olivia said going back into the kitchen.

Amanda got up and did her coffee "thanks liv" "Amanda I really can't ever thank you enough for Emmy and I really do love you" Olivia said looking in Amanda's eyes "no one can love me look at what I do to me self" Olivia put the cup down and held Amanda's shoulders "I love you don't think like that" "but everything I have done all the times you had to come save me mean you bailed me out this month with my rent" "Because I love you Amanda" Olivia took the coffee from Amanda and set it down before kissing her.

"Zara do you have the top I lent you?" Zara came out of her room "sure" Zara said handing Emmy the shirt she lent last week "thanks mom loved it" "it's no bother" Emmy replied. Zara sat on the couch next to Emmy "how's your mom?" "Good did your dad tell you what happened?" Zara nodded "I'm sorry I didn't want to push it" "it's alright turns out Amanda is my mom and Olivia adopted me" Emmy explained "are you alright with everything?" Emmy nodded "yeah they both love me so I really don't see a problem." Nick came through the door "I got you two a pizza each" the girls thanked nick and started eating.

"Emmy I know what you did" Emmy started laughing at the text Zara looked over "what's so funny?" "Well I set Amanda and Mom up on an almost date type thing and I don't think mom is too impressed" Zara laughed "but there is so much tension between them!" "I know so I'm not the only one?" Emmy asked "no dad says it too" the two laughed "so my little intervention might not have been for nothing."

"Olivia we need to stop, what if Emmy comes back?" Amanda said as Olivia was kissing he neck "she won't... she has stuff... at nicks... and if she needs anything... Zara... will lend her it" Olivia struggled to talk while kissing Amanda's neck "Amanda bed room now" Olivia said breathlessly tugging on Amanda's necklace.

**Okay, hope you liked this we came up with the idea together but one was all my fellow co-writer's writing! Hope you liked it we haven't really decided on what happens in the next chapter yet, all ideas welcome! **


	5. Well this escalated quickly

They lay in bed making out for what hours seemed like minuets, Olivia got up and switched the lights off.

Amanda honestly wanted to go all the way she Loved Olivia but when Olivia turned the lights off it was like being back there she felt his hands on her and curled into a ball. Olivia didn't know what to do she panicked "Amanda sweetheart?" Amanda started crying Olivia wanted to cry, she stroked Amanda's back "it's me, liv your fine I'm here" Amanda turned to face Olivia and latched on her "we won't do anything I promise" Olivia soothed she held Amanda till she fell asleep.

The two woke up the next morning "did we?-" "no don't worry we just made out... a lot" Olivia reassured not wanting to upset Amanda, it broke her heart to see her like that.

Zara woke up first "Emmy?" She heard a bang "Emmy? Where are you?" She heard a muffled scream Zara looked around she couldn't see Emmy anywhere. She checked every room in the house, she went into her dads room "dad I can't find Emmy?" Nick shot up "she would never leave erm give me a sec" "I heard a bang dad!" Nick got out I bed and drew his gun "stay in here Zara" nick cleared the house "I'm going to have to ring liv and Amanda" he sighed.

"Liv it's me Emmys left or something is she with you?" Olivia sat up in bed "no give me a minuet ill check the apartment" Olivia wandered out of the bed room and checked the apartment "no nick she's not here what's happened?!" "Zara said she heard a bang and she woke and couldn't find Emmy Olivia I'm so sorry!" "Nick clam down she'll be fine" they hung up.

"What's the matter?" Amanda asked. Olivia was faced with 2 decisions tell her the truth and risk her losing it or lie and risk losing her.

"Amanda don't freak we think Emmy has been taken"

Emmy awoke in a cold damp room she got up and moved to the window "where am I?" She saw food, water a toilet and a shower "how long am I going to be here?" Emmy sat in the corner.

At the precinct everyone was running around Olivia and Amanda were benched for emotional attachment much to their dismay. Nick was to upset he lost her "Look we're going to find her" fin reassured.

Amanda was working on some of the paper work so when they needed a warrant it would be quick. She scrolled down through people that might want her dead and he came up she clicked hoping he was still locked away "parole 6 months ago" Amanda just started crying Olivia rushed over "what's the matter? We will find her" Amanda pointed to the screen and watched Olivia's hope go out the window. Nick put an alert on anything to do with him.

"Emmy, Emmy, Emmy such sweet child how you've grown" he stroked Emmys face it took all her might to not to hit him she knew if she did she wouldn't make it out with the three armed guards. "Are you going to hurt me?" Emmys asked "no sweetheart your mom yes but you no, you see we loved each other and she left me" Emmy nodded "no one uses her understand" he barked the men nodded.

It quickly became night "dress, make up your having dinner with him in half an hour" Emmy got ready scared what they would do if she didn't. A man came back into her room doing his fly up "don't worry princess your the lucky one" she shuddered "I'm here to escort you to your dinner."

"We have an ID of a girl matching Emmys description in Maine I'm sorry to say it's a known prostitution house lots of girls could get messy" thankfully the FBI had come to help Amanda and Olivia they nodded Amanda was already needing to cut and Olivia knew this, she stroked Amanda's arm.

The man let Emmy walk into the building by herself _keep cool you must be able to get out of this somehow_ she walked into the hotel _just breath_ she waited for the car to leave and quickly ran out a fire door _create a distraction_ she thought as all the fire alarms went off she ran and ran. _Elliot moved_ to Maine she thought knowing now exactly where she was now, she ran as fast as she could to the house she remembered playing in when she was little she banged on the door "Elliot please uncle el let me in!" Kathy opened the door "Emmy?!" "Please let me in they will come after me!" Emmys said in panic Kathy pulled her in "who is after you?" "I don't know but they want to hurt my mom but I-I don't know which one?!" Eliot came down the stairs "I'm heading in to help out Emmys been taken" he said walking to the door not even looking at them to preoccupied by the texts he was getting. "El!" Kathy yelled he looked over "Emmy?! Everyone is going crazy looking for you" "can I ring mom" Emmy started crying Kathy handed her the phone.

"Mom!" Emmy sighed with relief at Olivia's voice "Emmy! Are you alright?! Where are you?!" Olivia panicked "I-I got away I caused a distraction like you always told me and I made it to Uncle El's house I'm safe" "thankgod!" Emmy heard her mom yell "Elliot's got her" then clapping. "I'm coming to get you" Olivia said "no! Neither of you can he said it wasn't me he wanted it was my mom but I'm not sure which of you I think he wants Amanda" Elliot took the phone "I'll drive her up guess all the map reading and wilderness trails paid off" he joked and hung up.

"Right lets get you in a wig and let's get you out of that dress I'm sure we will have something that fits you" Eliot smiled helping the blonde up Kathleen came down stairs "what's going on? Emmy!" Eliot passed them on the stairs "just had a bad day I'm just going to change and then your dad is taking me home" Kathleen nodded "I have some clothes that will fit you."

The blonde changed into the clothes Eliot came in with a plastic bag _always the police officer_ she thought she placed her dress in the bag. Emmy placed the wig on "right we best get going your moms are going crazy" Emmy nodded and hugged Kathleen and Katy "thank you" "look after yourself" Kathy whispered.

_Moms? did he uncle El says moms? How did Eliot know? Did he lie to me to?_

Emmy sat on the floor in the back the whole way home "did you know I was adopted?" "Your mom, Olivia told me I saw you guys in the park when you were about 2 I hadn't seen her in two years, you ran up to me, dicky and Elliot jr Olivia chased after you, I didn't know who you were at first I thought you were Olivia's but when we were talking Amanda came to the park and started playing with you she looked quite scared to be playing with you I was going to intervene then Olivia explained" Emmy nodded "they only told me last week" Eliot nodded "are you okay with everything?" "Yeah I never suspected I was adopted" "Olivia was such a great mom to you" Emmy nodded "I know."

Elliot stopped the car "we're at 1-6" he got out and helped Emmy out, they walked in "Emmy!" Olivia and Amanda rushed to her "are you okay? Did they hurt you?" "No no wait yes I I'm fine and no they didn't hurt me I got away and found uncle el's house" Cragen shook Elliot's hand.

The two detectives kissed, Elliot looked shocked "finally!" Fin yelled the two blushed and hugged Emmy.

**Were sorry we know you wanted smut but we have wrote a complete chapter that is rated M and we mean M! it's not next chapter but one after that! –were sorry! **

**Thank you for all your reviews, follows and favourites you all really inspire us!**

**We hope you liked this chapter!**


	6. Aunt Alex

"Now we are watching your house any break in, loud noises or screams and we are alerted" the FBI agent said fin whispered in Amanda's ear "you's best be quite" she playfully hit his arm they started laughing which got a disapproving look from Olivia they quitted "busted" Amanda said her and fin burst out laughing.

"Amanda what is the FBI doing? Are we safe?" Amanda looked over to the door way "yea there just making sure someone watches over us till he's caught" Amanda explained "I'm not having an escort to college" Emmy said "I may as well tell everyone what happened!" "It's alright Emmy we take you they just follow nothing to obvious" Emmy nodded flopping down on the sofa.

"Thank you agent" Olivia said in the apartment door way "it's done discrete detail" Amanda and fin nodded Olivia went over to Emmy "do you remember anything else? At all?" "No mom I told you I woke up it smelt weird the view wasn't familiar I got told to get ready and was taken to the hotel for a meal" Amanda walked over "common leave it it's all done" she smiled.

That night the three of them went out for dinner they walked into the Italians "Emmy good to see ya" the women smiled "and Olivia how is work?" "Great thanks" Olivia smiled "and you must be..." The women struggled "Amanda my mom" Emmy said smiling seeing how uncomfortable Amanda was "well nice to meet you properly Amanda" the women smiled and seated them at Emmys favourite table.

"Well she seams friendly" Amanda noted "she is bless her she took Emmy a few times to the park her son is great same age" Emmy wasn't paying much attention she was busy checking her Facebook to make sure no knew about what happened "she's a great cook too isn't she Emmy?" Olivia nudged Emmy "erm yeah she is makes the best pasta" "nice to see you have joined us phone" Olivia demanded Emmy handed over her phone and Olivia put it in her bag "we're having a nice family night out no phones-" "unless work" Emmy said in a monotone voice Amanda couldn't help but laugh.

"So the other night?" Emmy said the two women laughed "I think we are seeing what everyone goes on about" Olivia said "yeah mean we have been close just never ventured" Amanda added "but that still doesn't excuse what you did" Olivia said "what did I do?" Emmy said all sweet and innocent Olivia laughed "Emmy don't do this we know it was you" "I just booked my two mothers a bonding meal" Emmy knew exactly what she meant but still it was fun to see them squirm "well whatever that meal was thank you" Amanda thanked Emmy.

Mid meal Emmys phone won't stop buzzing Olivia got it out of her bag "Emmy sort this" she said handing Emmy the phone Emmy scrolled through the notifications "well everyone knows, apparently it's all over the news cops daughter adducted by rapist" Emmy read out the headline her friend had sent her she scrolled down "how have they got my picture?!" Olivia took the phone looked at a CCTV picture from the night she got away she showed it to Amanda "don't worry sweetie everything is going to be fine" Amanda reassured.

Olivia called cragen "yeah, yeah but they have her photo!... Thanks cap" Olivia hung up "cragens on it" it didn't help how Emmy felt. Emmys phone started again Olivia let her answer it "its just Ben can I take the call?" Olivia nodded Amanda stood up "I'll come with you" Olivia nodded.

"Hey Ben" "are you alright? I've just seen the news" Ben her best friend since they were 4 asked concerned "yeah I'm fine honestly" "they are saying it was a prostitution ring Emmy talk to me?!" "It's fine honestly they didn't touch me I got away they took me to a hotel and I ran I got away. I got to my uncle El's house and he got me home. I'm fine" "I just ... I don't know I saw the news and panicked" "it's fine, I'm fine thank you for calling though" they hung up "it's was Ben he wanted to see if I was ok" Emmy explained to Amanda who nodded.

They went and sat back down with Olivia "it was Ben" Olivia nodded "you two have been friends since what preschool?" Emmy nodded Amanda had heard of Ben and was pretty sure she had met Ben at a few of Emmys birthday party's.

They finished up their meal and headed out "do you think Aunt Alex will be able to stop them posting stuff?" Olivia thought for a moment "yeah she might be able to but she will be home now do you want me to ring her?" Amanda looked confused "Alex Cabot was an ADA for the team will she went into wistec and came back its a long story but she helped out with Emmy from time to time" "aunt Alex said I could get my ears pierced when I was 7 and took me to get it done without asking mom" Emmy said laughing "you bugged her and she panicked" Olivia turned to Amanda "wouldn't think a tough ADA cracked under the pressure of a 7 year old" the three laughed "I've never met Alex?" "You did she was the blonde lawyer she came to Emmys birthday parties?" Olivia said trying to think "I'll probably know her when I see her" Amanda said still not 100% sure of who Olivia meant. Olivia rang Alex "yes she said to come over said she hasn't seen you in forever" Emmy smiled.

They got the elevator up to Alex's apartment Alex opened the door "Emmy" she smiled "hi Aunt Alex" "hey long time no see how is everything?" Alex asked as Emmy walked into the living room "good but can you sort this" Emmy said finding the texts, emails and Facebook notifications, Alex looked through them "I should be able to get a press block out and I know people in computer crimes who own me a favour" Alex smiled anything for Olivia's daughter "let me just make some calls" Alex smiled going into her office. "Emmy make coffee of you want you know where it is" Alex yelled.

Emmy made coffee "she is really comfortable here" Amanda noted "yeah Alex would pick her up from day care when we were running late and if it got late Emmy would sleep here if I wasn't back" Amanda looked down she was never there for her daughter when Olivia needed her, Olivia saw this "Amanda look at me Alex only took her if WE weren't back, she often asked to sleep at Alex's so Alex would pick her up" "just every time we see someone I makes me feel like I wasn't a part of her life" "Amanda you were don't think like that" Emmy came back with the coffee.

"I wonder if Aunt Alex still has the photo book?" Emmy asked "I have no idea" Emmy went off to try and find it "I remember when I first let Emmy sleep here she begged Alex for days when we got here Alex had a white apartment everything was clean lines and white I don't think she realised how messy a two year old was, Alex had bought play dough, paint, magic sand stuff everything a two year old loves" Olivia said smiling "when I came to get her the next day Alex had put plastic down everywhere and there was still play dough in her carpet but she had put paper on the walls and her and Emmy had drawn a mural I think Alex has it somewhere" "aw" Amanda was happy to hear about her daughter's life even if it hurt a little.

Emmy came back "Alex still has it" she said handing Olivia the pink book that said "Emmy" in glitter glue and a little blue hand print on. Olivia and Amanda started going through the book when Alex came back "press block and that stuff on Facebook gone" Emmy hugged Alex "thank you" "it's no problem gald I could help" she looked over at the two women "hey you found your book?" Emmy nodded.

Alex went off and came back with a second book and gave it to Amanda "I made this for you every time we took a picture I made a copy and put it in here for you" Amanda looked through "thank you Alex" Amanda had to stop herself from crying at the kind gesture. Amanda started looking through the book "what's this?" She asked Emmy, Alex and Olivia looked at the page with symbols on "oh it says love you Amanda in hieroglyphics I taught her them" Amanda was so over whelmed she let a tear fall "that's so cute" Emmy could see this was too much so deflected "was that the summer you took me to sign language classes?" Alex saw what Emmy was doing "yeah" Emmy sat next to Amanda "you haven't missed anything it's all here in pictures" Emmy tried to reassure Amanda "thanks Emmy" Amanda smiled "but I won't miss another moment."

"What the disk?" Amanda asked "Emmy singing in sign language I thought you might want a copy" "thank you Alex I can never repay you" "you already have" Amanda didn't know what she meant. All Alex could see is Emmy with her mom's Emmy was sat up against Amanda like she was never adopted and that was enough for Alex. To see Emmy happy was enough.

**We decided to add a sweet chapter but don't worry Cal has wrote the next chapter and we will post soon (tomorrow if we're super-efficient) and it is M! We hope you liked this chapter!**


	7. A night to themselves

**Lesbian sex don't like don't read won't lie there's a lot!**

**We had a bit of an awkward situation getting this chapter sorted Cal wrote this on my iPhone (all Cals work) and went to email it to my computer and nearly sent it to our straight friend –thanks Cal!**

Later that night they headed home "I wonder if Mr Smith would like a cake?" Emmy asked "why don't you go ask?" Emmy nodded and left Amanda looked at Olivia "Mr Smith?" "Lives down stairs val, well Mrs smith has alzheimer's and her husband can't bake anymore. Emmy makes them a cake and Mr smith will pretended to bake with Val and then they have Emmys cake it makes Mrs smith so happy she used to bake with Emmy before her Alzheimer's got bad, but Mr smith can talk for hours so Emmy will be down there for at least an hour he doesn't really get visitors so when Emmy goes down he makes the most of it" Olivia smiled "aw that's lovely" Amanda smiled "they looked after her and now she looks after them" Olivia saw Amanda's face "they acted like grandparents I wanted her to have, I have none and we didn't really talk about it" "it's fine I'm happy, I have nobody I want her to meet have you met my sister?" Amanda joked Olivia smiled.

Olivia moved towards Amanda and kissed her this time Amanda wasn't worried she started planting open mouthed kisses on Olivia's neck she nibbled Olivia's ear lobe. Olivia was done. She started pulling them towards the bedroom "please liv" Amanda whispered in her ear, Olivia could cry the women she loved had finally plucked up the courage, Olivia nodded but stopped having to support Amanda who whimpered when she tried to stand "we will only go as far as you want. Say the word and we stop" Amanda nodded still trying to gain access to Olivia's mouth "I don't want to rush this" Olivia continued. Amanda pulled off Olivia's gun and badge and threw them on the floor "livvvv" Amanda begged she could see how close Amanda already was Olivia pushed Amanda up against the wall and pulled her up slightly Amanda warped her legs around Olivia's waist, Olivia supported her weight holding her thighs. Amanda wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck to pull herself closer "livvvvv" Amanda wined "liv please" "okay okay" Olivia started sucking on Amanda's neck "well you wearing turtle necks at work this week" she whispered Amanda moaned using her feet to pull her hips closer to Olivia's.

Olivia threw Amanda on the bed and made quick work of her clothes while Amanda who was shaking struggled with her top, she finished with her clothes and started on Amanda's who was more than happy to let Olivia assist. Olivia lent over Amanda in only her underwear and undone her belt and pulled her jeans off in one clean sweep then helped Amanda with her top.

Olivia lay on top of Amanda her legs apart over Amanda's she pressed her lips against Amanda's and Amanda opened her mouth giving Olivia full access Amanda moaned.

"Mom he said yeah I'll start now" Emmy yelled "mom? Where are you?" Olivia and Amanda looked at each other in panic "you said she would be ages" Amanda hissed in panic, Olivia wrapped herself in a sheet and walked out the bed room Emmy took one look at her "erm I'll go to uncle nicks" Emmy said turning and closing the door.

Olivia walked back in "she's gone to nicks" Amanda smiled "liv I need you now! I think I'm having an adrenaline rush" Olivia crawled over her back up the bed "or you need me more than you think?" Amanda was laying there still in her underwear Olivia started kissing the valley of her breasts playing with the fabric of her bra, Amanda moaned and tried to make her hips meet Olivia's "calm down manda" "liv I don't know how much longer I can hang on" Amanda said struggling. Olivia continued kissing and sucking her way down Amanda's slim body. Olivia kissed each of Amanda's scars she looked up to see Amanda with tears she stopped "liv don't stop!" She cried the truth was she couldn't believe anyone could love her yet alone her scars and Olivia did.

Olivia removed Amanda's panties kissing her thighs. She knew Amanda had not been intimate with anyone since she conceived Emmy she knew she tried but couldn't. "Amanda are you alright?" Olivia just wanted to check "liv I neeeeed you" "I'm right here baby" she said placing her fingers on Amanda's labia's Amanda moaned and her hips bucked "baby your soaking!" Olivia said in amazement feeling the juices pouring out "liv!" Amanda said needing Olivia's touch, Olivia moved her fingers in to Amanda's folds and quickly found her clit Amanda let out a loud moan "is that better?" Olivia whispered "Olivia please don't stop" Olivia continued working on Amanda's clit "do you want me in you?" Olivia asked Amanda moaned "please" Olivia wanted this to go at Amanda's pace she wanted her to be happy. "I'm going to go in now" Olivia said pushing two fingers in and slowly withdrawing "was that okay?" "Liv again and don't stop please don't stop" Olivia continued scared of hurting Amanda "liv?" Olivia stopped "yes babe?" "Don't stop" Olivia started again "deeper harder please" Olivia knew the trauma had caused Amanda not to feel much so she would have to be harder but she was scared of hurting her. Olivia reluctantly started going deeper and harder Amanda matched her, moving her hips with Olivia's thrusts.

_God she looks so sexy_ Olivia thought. Amanda's mind was busy trying to keep the thoughts of him away while enjoying what Olivia was doing.

"Liv I'm so close pleassssse" Olivia went deeper and harder working Amanda's clit at the same time she felt Amanda's walls clench around her fingers "liv don't stop!" Olivia kept going as the blonde yelled out Olivia's name her hips rising off the bed before crashing down on the bed Olivia withdrew Amanda was shaking "is everything alright babe?" Olivia was scared she had caused a flash back when Amanda didn't answer Olivia just waited.

Amanda sat up and kissed Olivia "more than okay" Olivia pulled her in and just held her till Amanda whispered "liv thankyou for loving me" "Amanda I will always love you" Olivia smiled.

Amanda had a burst of confidence and pushed Olivia onto her back "I have no idea what I'm doing" Amanda giggled looking at Olivia "you can use your fingers or I have a dildo in my bed side table" Olivia was more anxious than Amanda "which do you prefer?" Amanda asked straddling Olivia and cocking her head to one side, Olivia knew this could go on all night if she didn't chose "I love either but if this is your first why don't you try the dildo it's easier and depending on how that goes you could try your fingers?" Olivia suggested afraid of hurting Amanda's feelings. Amanda reached over and pulled out the dildo "liv it's huge!" "You can try it if you want?" Olivia suggested Amanda shook her head. Amanda followed Olivia's lead and pushed the dildo in to her girlfriend who was now breathlessly saying her name.

Amanda worked out pretty quickly what she had to do she picked up pace until she felt Olivia pulling on the bed sheets "liv?" Olivia nodded "can I try my-" "yes" Olivia could barely answer Amanda pulled out the dildo and placed three fingers into her beautiful girlfriend and began thrusting Olivia started saying her name, Olivia was already so close before Amanda had put the dildo in. "Manda baby faster please" Amanda speed up she started working Olivia's clit as she has done hers Amanda got a shock when Olivia clenched down on her fingers and Olivia screamed her name when Olivia came down she looked a Amanda who looked a cross between confused, frightened and unsure "what's the matter babe?" "I-I've never seen anything so beautiful but-" "you did excellent babe" Olivia was so happy. Amanda realised looking at Olivia that Olivia really did love her. Olivia sat up and held Amanda "babe you are so amazing" she said stroking her long blonde hair.

They quickly fell asleep on each other's arms.

**We hope you all liked this chapter 100% wrote by Cal I helped her edit. You wanted smut we gave you smut! Thank you for all the kind reviews, follows and favourites :)**

**Sorry we weren't as efficient as we thought we could be we forgot we started college again on Monday and panicked sorry!**

Moved the rating to M for a reason! Olivia and Amanda take a night to themselves!


	8. The tape

"Emmy is everything right?" Nick asked in the door way "erm yeah but can I sleep here?" Nick just looked at her "I walked in on mom and-" nick just nodded "course you can but Zara is with her mother tonight" Emmy nodded "thanks."

Emmy walked in just as Alex came out the bathroom "aunt Alex? Nick I can find somewhere else to stay if you want?" Nick looked at Alex they both looked at each "we're not" Alex said "erm I'll go to uncle fins" "we're just meeting about a case" nick said "it's fine honestly" Emmy said walking out of the apartment.

"Fin can I stay with you? Moms busy and nicks got a meeting?" "Yeah come over I'll make up the couch" "thanks" "you know you're welcome any time"

Emmy headed over to fins pretending to talk on her cell she was a block from fins when an old women stopped her "you're the young lady from the paper" Emmy pretended to hang up we phone "yes ma'am I am" Emmy replied remembering how Olivia had taught her anyone older than Olivia should be referred to as ma'am if you don't know them the old lady stroked her arm "your so brave" "thank you ma'am but I just ran there are plenty of girls who need help I was just lucky" "you are an inspiration my dear" Emmy was tearful "thank you" the old lady walked off.

Emmy continued to fins she recognised that women but she couldn't work out where from. Emmy walked up to fins apartment she knocked and fin opened "hey Emmy your moms were 'busy'" he said raising an eye brow Emmy nodded "and nick was in a meeting?" Emmy nodded "with aunt Alex" fin was gossip central if she needed to know something fin was where she went.

"Well I ordered in and I set the couch up for you" "thanks" Emmy smiled going to sit on the couch.

Emmy was asleep before the take out arrived fin put a blanket over her and took his to his room.

Emmy awoke the next morning and made fin breakfast.

"Manda?" Olivia asked "yeah?" Amanda answered "how you feeling?" Amanda stretched and smiled turning to face Olivia "I'm good I love you" Amanda smiled "I love you two" Olivia said kissing Amanda "I'll go make breakfast" Olivia smiled "you look exhausted" Amanda smiled "that's your fault" she joked Olivia lent over and kissed her again.

"Fin breakfast!" Emmy yelled fin came out of his room "aw Emmy you didn't have to do this thank you" "you let me stay it's the least I can do" Emmy smiled fin sat down to his eggs and toast "Emmy this lovely" fin said taking a bite. Emmy smiled and started eating hers "was the couch okay?" "Yeah it was fine thanks" Emmy smiled.

Amanda stroked her hip and felt something sticky she pulled back the sheets and saw a tan coloured substance he put some on her finger and sniffed it and smiled _Olivia's lip gloss must be off last night_.

Later that day everyone was at the precinct fin had made a stop at the FBI van and took last night's footage "remember your place is bugged?" Fin said standing over Amanda's shoulder he saw Amanda's face drop "shit!" He placed the disk in front of her "Emmy said you's were busy last night and that's why she had to stay at mine" he joked "thank you fin" "no bother what's partners for." Internal affairs came after his partner once and they would do it again and fin liked this partner.

"Amanda, fin we have a call, mercy west" the two grabbed their coats and left Amanda passed Olivia on their way out they quickly kissed and went their separate ways.

"So how was Emmy?" Amanda asked "fine feel asleep before the take out arrived" fin said weaving through the traffic "aw I'm sorry" "it's no bother it was nice to have her reminded me of when she was little and Olivia had brought her over and she asleep on kens knee and wouldn't let go" "aw that's so cute" "Emmy loved ken when she was little" fin smiled "that's for taking her" "it's fine honestly apparently nick was with Alex last night" fin informed "really?!" "Emmy said she went over and Alex was coming out of the bathroom and they insisted it was a meeting" "fin you and munch really are gossip central round here" she joked.

"What's this on manda's desk?" Nick said picking up the disk "not sure" "its dated yesterday" nick said "must be something for her case put it in we might be able to help" nick put the disk in. Munch was started laughing. "It's says audio file" nick said "play it" Olivia said munch was going to tell them if he could breath. Nick double clicked "please livvvvvvv" they heard Amanda moan Olivia quickly went to shut it off munch burst out laughing Cragen walked out his office as Olivia was trying to turn the speakers off she turned the dial "manda baby" came through the speakers louder Cragen just looked over with a disapproving look "Olivia, office and home please keep it separate" Cragen walked back into his office Olivia was mortified her boss and just hear her moaning for her girlfriend nick and munch burst out laughing "guys it's not funny!" Olivia said standing up she went over to the bunks "erm I best let Amanda know" nick and munch were now holding onto each other.

"Mada you know that disk you left out?" "Yeah shit I should of put it in my drawn fin got it for me he remembered we were tapped" "well me and nick thought it was for your case and we played it Amanda baby I'm so sorry and Cragen heard" Amanda was too busy laughing "what did they hear?" "You going please livvvvvvv and then I tried to shut the speakers off but I turned them up and they heard me screaming for you" all Olivia could hear was Amanda laughing "babe are you alright with this?" "It's funny liv... Ooo were at the hospital ill ring ya later." Amanda hung up fin just looked at her "they thought it was for the case and played it" Amanda explained fin started laughing.

Olivia walked back out of the bunks "so you in the dog house?" Nick said holding onto his desk Olivia still looked mortified "nope she wasn't bothered started laughing."

**Sorry we haven't updated sooner we were rushing to finish college but update should be more regular from now on! We hope you liked this chapter!**


	9. The tricks of the FBI

"I need Emmy Benson to the principal's office" Emmy heard over the speaker "what ya done now?" Ben mouth Emmy just shrugged her shoulders and walked down the hall.

She walked into the office that was full of FBI agents "Emmy sit down" the man said "I don't feel comfortable with this" Emmy said a bit frightened a female agent sat next to her.

"You know Olivia was undercover for us?" The man asked, Emmy nodded "we need someone to go in for her, there is an environmental group we suspect of murdering a lot of important people" "and?" Emmy asked "we are asking you" "well I would need to speak to my mom's" Emmy said looking the man in the eye "we checked with her and she said you are to go" the man said in reply "I don't believe you I want to ring her" Emmy knew the FBI could lie the man got out his phone and played a recording "Emmy I want you to go stay safe" the man looked her in the eye "erm ok?."

The men took her out of the college and put her in a car with blacked out windows. "We have someone who is going to vouch for you she knows your mom" Emmy nodded "your new name will be Alex frost" Emmy nodded "we are going to get you set up in a house and then we will get your mom's friend to come over, your mom died and you have come to live with her that is your cover" Emmy nodded.

"God Emmys taking forever" Amanda said standing outside the college Ben came out "some men took Emmy in official clothes I saw them put her in a SUV" Ben told Amanda "Ben where did they take her?" "I don't know but I'm worried about her" Ben wanted to help "I could draw them?" "Can you come to the precinct with me?" Amanda asked Ben nodded.

Amanda drove to the precinct and gave Ben a drawing pad he got out his art pencils and started drawing. "Where's Emmy?" Olivia asked giving Amanda a quick kiss "she gone bens drawing who took her he said they looked official" Olivia rushed over she turned the FBI down yesterday "Ben were they FBI?" "I'm not sure but I think so, miss Benson I'm so sorry" "it's fine Ben and how many times its Olivia" Ben kept drawing. "Amanda I turned them down yesterday they wanted me to go back but I said no" Olivia was panicking "so they've took Emmy?" Amanda didn't know what was going on "they'll spin her something to make her go" Ben handed Olivia a drawing "that's the agent that wanted me to go. I need to talk to cragen thank you Ben" Olivia ran into cragens office "the FBI took Emmy!" "Olivia clam down I'm sure they haven't" Olivia slapped down the drawing "this man came to see me yesterday to ask me to go and Ben saw this man take Emmy!" "I'll make some calls" cragen said "no need I know where they have her" Olivia said walking out "Olivia you can't!" "Try and stop me!" Olivia slammed the door.

"Amanda car now!" Olivia yelled "fin, nick follow!" All them obeyed Olivia.

"Where are we going?" Fin radioed "where they took me."

8 hours later they pulled up at an abounded house "FBI car" Amanda radioed. They all got out and sorted thier guns.

"God why did I agree to this" Emmy said staring out the window she moved to her other widow "that can't be? Is that?" She saw them standing on the side walk she threw her shoe at them it hit Olivia in the back she spun round everyone drew their guns at the window Emmy just waved.

"The same house! Are they stupid!" Olivia yelled.

Emmy ran down the stairs "you can't leave!" The man said "well considering my moms are outside" she said opening the door the man shut it "I've change my mind I don't want to do this" "it's too late Alex your in now" "take me home" the man pushed her up against the wall "no! Get off me!" He put his hand over her mouth "shhh" Emmy bit him. Emmy started screaming.

Everyone drew their guns and rushed in "Emmy get down!" Olivia yelled the agent still had her against the wall "I can't!" Nick pulled him off Emmy sunk to the floor. They cleared the house Olivia and Amanda rushed over to her "they said you gave them permission! They played a conversation! You let them!" Emmy said going to Amanda. Olivia was furious she went outside "which one of you told her I wanted her to do this!" She yelled "the chief" Olivia stormed back in and took a few breaths "lets go" she said Emmy didn't move "no!" Emmy screamed as Amanda went to stand "why don't me and fin take you back?" Emmy nodded.

They got back to the precinct Emmy had fallen sleep Amanda carried her in and put her in the bunks.

"All I'm going to say is you better not have said that! How could you?!" Amanda said walking into cragens office "I didn't Amanda I swear I said don't take Emmy or you!" Cragen stood up "Olivia, Amanda, they did trick her" "Olivia I'm so sorry" Amanda apologised "it's fine but I will have their jobs for this!" Amanda couldn't believe she had done this she had accused the best mother in the world of having her daughter taken.

Amanda was breaking she started scratching her hip Olivia didn't notice Amanda needed to cut she felt Hurt and numb "I'm just going to the bathroom" Amanda excused her self and picked up her bag "hopefully old faithful will still be in the lining" she said walking into the bathroom.

She pulled the side of her pants down and found the blade and drew open lines till she felt something. She quickly cleaned her hip up and put her bandage over it. She checked her self in the mirror "shit" she said looking at the small blood stain on her trousers hip "hopefully she won't notice."

Amanda walked back to her desk fin noticed and pulled her into the break room Olivia noticed and followed she stopped at the door "Amanda you can't do this! I know your stressed and upset but talk to me! Don't do this to your self" Olivia opened the door "Amanda baby please don't say you've cut your self because I was angry" Amanda nodded her head down Olivia moved towards her "oh sweetheart" Olivia said pulling her in "I'm sorry!" Olivia just held Amanda stroking her hair.

"Mom your bleeding?" Emmy asked groggy at the door Amanda nodded "yes" Olivia watched as Emmy took her place Amanda was now crying into Emmys shoulder.

Olivia didn't know what she was going to do it felt like she was losing Amanda and Emmy to this.

**Sorry I promised to update sooner, me and Cal have been working 12-15 hour shifts but our last shit is tomorrow and then we can update sooner! Next chapter is Amanda's flash back/nightmare we have it wrote and will try and get it up Sunday! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter.**


	10. Amanda please wake up

Amanda woke up the next day and rolled over reaching out for Olivia she swiped her hand feeling nothing. She opened her eyes someone was defiantly there she could see a body, she pulled back the sheets to see bunched up pillows and blankets. Then she heard him. "Aww missing your girlfriend are we? I bet I can give you more satisfaction than she could give you" Amanda curled into a ball "now now Am's no point in that" Amanda held her knees as tight as she could Am's everyone called her that and it made her sick. She heard a buzzing "since it's the first time we have been together since your little escape act I'll let you choose tied down or will you not fight me? And real or fake? I know which I want" he cocked his head like he was picking out a shirt not how to rape and torture someone. Amanda started crying "tied down and real it is" he fastened her arms to the bed posts she was screaming "Am's be good please I've missed you" she started kicking "Am's!" He slapped her "do you want to eat this week?!" She nodded letting him tie her feet "our daughter is beautiful isn't she" Amanda stared at the dint in the ceiling when she heard his zipper go down "now what do you shout?" Amanda started to cry more "I won't!" He tighten the restraints "Am's I can make this more painful you know I can" "I won't say your name!" Amanda cried. He left the room and came back with a block and a camera "say hi to your girlfriend" he said setting it up. He placed the block under her the restraints were pulling painfully. "Think we'll have a warm up while I'm getting ready" he said taking a tablet and starting up the vibrator again.

"Amanda! Amanda!" Olivia yelled panicking "Amanda!" Olivia was violently shaking her girlfriend. Olivia ran out and grabbed some ice from the freezer and put it down Amanda's shirt but nothing happened _what if I can't save her _Olivia was crying.

"Am's since you look so unready I'll fetch the lube make everything easier."

"Amanda please!" Olivia was pulling Amanda up off the bed Amanda started screaming.

"It's too hard no no please!" Amanda cried.

Olivia carried Amanda to the shower "Emmy get the water on freezing!" Emmy obeyed stunned. Olivia placed Amanda in the bath.

"Oh so wet"

Amanda gasped at the sudden coldness of the water and came shooting up she saw Olivia and started crying. Olivia shut off the water and bent down next to the bath Amanda clung to her for dear life. "He was going to film it he called me Am's I couldn't stop him" Olivia just soothed the crying blonde "I think it's time I knew what he did to you"

Olivia dried Amanda off who didn't speak or move just let Olivia put her where she wanted which scared Olivia. Olivia led Amanda to the couch and pushed her shoulders to make her sit. Emmy was making Amanda a coffee. Olivia started drying Amanda's hair when Emmy gave her the cup. Emmy wrapped Amanda's hand around the cup and moved her arm to her lips it was like her mom was in a trance.

After an hour or so of Amanda not talking, moving or doing anything Olivia rang Cragen "cap I know it's early but something's wrong with Amanda she isn't talking or doing anything it's like she's broken she had a flash back I had to put her under the cold shower cap what do I do?" "Breath, Olivia do you think she could be a risk to herself?" He couldn't believe he was asking this "cap I don't know!" Olivia couldn't control herself "I'll come over" "thanks cap" they hung up. "Emmy get dressed uncle Cragen is coming over.

I short while later there was a nock Amanda still hasn't moved or done anything. Emmy opened the door "hello uncle Cragen" "morning Emmy" he said walking into the living room.

Olivia was right Amanda looked broken. She sat their pale, lifeless not a care in the world.

He crouched by Amanda "Amanda? Are you alright?" He asked soothingly Amanda just stared into the distance "Amanda is me Cragen what happened?" Amanda just stared into the distance.

Amanda felt dead. She didn't feel anything just emptiness.

Cragen moved into her line of vision "Amanda do you want to come to work?." Nothing.

Cragen turned to Olivia "we best get her to mercy west I'm sorry liv" Olivia nodded and her and Emmy guided Amanda to Cragens car.

They drove to the hospital Cragen did all the talking and Amanda was taken to a room where the nurses would watch over her. "I'll ring nick to come get you" Olivia said looking at Emmy "but I want to stay!" "Emmy please don't fight me I'll text you if anything happens."

Cragen stayed till the team got here "what happen?" Fin said looking into the room "she flashed back and broke" fin hugged her "she'll make it through" "look at her fin I've lost her."

**Cals idea we hope you liked it sorry about the late update I've been super ill, still am but that means more writing time :)**


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